I want to start by saying that writing this has been the hardest post I’ve ever attempted. Not because I’m ashamed but because I’ve never admitted to myself about having anxiety before let alone spoken about it. Up until recently I preferred to think that the constant being on edge, fearing the worst and knots in my stomach were normal and that everyone felt them.
Something clicked a few weeks ago when I was watching a story on Instagram by Elena Davies she was explaining her own feelings of anxiety mentioning that on that particular night she hugged her daughter longer than normal in case something happened to her in the night, and how her anxiety was what caused those feelings of fear and worst case scenarios.
This was the catalyst that made me realise that I to am suffering from anxiety and its time to stop burying my head in the preverbal sand. Admitting to myself that there is something wrong was a big step and setting the wheels in motion to find a way to deal with it is an even bigger step.
One thing that I’ve been finding difficult is explaining to my husband what it actually feels like having anxiety. The best way I could describe it was to say for him to imagine a time when he was really nervous about something, say an exam or driving test (I could have said the day we got married but we all know that was the best day of his life and he had nothing to be nervous about mwahahaha) I asked him to recall if he had knots in his stomach and feeling that he wasn’t in control of the situation, on edge where every thought that pops into his head was so negative that he didn’t think he could do the task in front of him. He looked shocked when I said that is how I felt all the time recently.
If I am being completely truthful to myself I’ve been having feelings on anxiety since I was young. I would have butterflies in my stomach constantly it got so bad that I saw a professional but I cannot remember the outcome or seeing them more than once. I guess they must have told my mum that it was a normal feeling to have, maybe its due to my parents divorcing when I was a toddler, maybe its just the way I’m wired.
I’m going to go see my doctor to see what they recommend and that over time I can learn how to manage my anxiety and will share what I’ve learned.
Do you suffer from anxiety? What treatment do you find helps you best?