All week I’ve been trying to write this post about how my latest fibromyalgia flare has affected me mentally. But I keep stumbling with getting the words out! Every time I sit down to write my mind goes blank, maybe I’m preoccupied with other issues that are going on at the moment, or maybe I’m not ready to talk about my mental health during a flare.
Its hard to remain positive when your experiencing pain and exhaustion that can only be described as excruciating, where nothing takes the edge off, you cannot get out of bed unaided and cannot care for your child. Your begin to feel completely useless and isolated. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling, this flare has been so bad, I was pretty much bed bound for the better part of a week. I was unable to care for my son, David had to stay off work to look after us both, leaving me feeling like a burden and utterly useless. I question everything about myself, how I am going to live the rest of my life in constant pain?, or why I have this condition?, did I do something to deserve this? And what kind of life is our son going to have, with a mother who cannot care for or play with him all the time?
Rationally I know this isn’t the case and that its just a temporary set back which is possibly going to happen now and again. And that when my flare has gone I am a good mother, who can care for her child and lead a somewhat normal life, all be it slightly limited due to my condition.
If you have experienced similar situation like this, know that this is only temporary, you are more than capable of being the person you want to be.